I like how Yes−We’re−Open signs answer questions that were never asked.

Are you open so you can continue dealing drugs and corrupting the streets?

Yes, We’re Open!

Are you open so you can continue selling young girls in the Polynesian sex trade?

Yes, We’re Open!

Are you open even though you sold out of all non-lead-coated goods months ago?

Yes, We’re Open!

Et cetera.

Everyone in Buffalo and the surrounding areas knows that Time Warner customers were without channel 4 (CBS) Sunday. Sadly, this meant no Bills game—at least for people without antennae.

My grandma picked up a couple antennae from Time Warner. I thought we didn’t need one because I bought my own antenna two years ago. But TW showed me, as my antenna was somehow inoperable (it didn’t make sense at first). The TW antenna worked, but we gave that to my aunt so her and my uncle could watch the Bills game.

I couldn’t figure out how an antenna could stop working. Then I remembered it must obviously be a circuit, so something must have disconnected. I took off the little cap with the female F connector and, sure enough, the connector was dislodged from the rest of the circuit.

Fixing the antenna would have been very easy with a soldering iron, but mine was conveniently still at school. So, I used the only tool available to me: Scotch tape. Honestly, I was amazed when I turned on channel 4 and had a signal.

Unfortunately, I didn’t take photos of my little tape job, despite a camera being nearby and available. However, once I was back at school, I recreated the scenario (see photo).

How did Choke receive such good reviews? I was extremely excited about the movie, but once the reels started spinning, I couldn’t wait for it to end. The movie was slow and boring and not nearly as edgy as its printed counterpart (which was very entertaining and, while slow, was filled with Palahniuk’s dirty insights).

Also, that crappy ending? The novel’s conclusion was far better and accomplished much more than the movie’s. In general, the book version accomplished way more than the film version. Spend your 90 minutes reading the book instead.

This final installment is not a hate list, but rather a collection of generic types of people that bother me.

Duty Calls from xkcd.

• Internet people
  The anonymity available on the internet makes people even more belligerent and stupid than in person.
• People who stay on the phone too long when in the company of others
  I hate when a person gets a call—or worse, places a call—while with other people and refuses to get off the phone. If it’s an emergency or a very quick call (30 seconds to one minute, not including dialing and connection), go for it. Otherwise, suck it up and try to extract some conversation from your cranial cave.
• Fake people
  This includes people who exaggerate things beyond belief, people who make things up and present them as fact, and people who talk only to be heard. Listening to such people annoys me, so I usually choose not to listen to them.
• Kids
  They’re always running around, steppin’ all over my lawn. It’s unbearable.
• Molly Connolly
  Here I am laid down at the end of my rope. I’ve lost all hope; so long. Molly Connolly just broke up with me over the revealing nature of the posts.

This is the finale of the list of things I love (except for things like family, friends, and good health). Right now, I’m tempted to add cake to the list, because I really want some cake.

• Dogs
  I especially love my dogs, Midnight and Peaches (God rest her soul). Most other dogs are also very cute.
• Hockey
  Roller or ice, it’s only the most perfect sport ever. Hockey is fast−paced and rough, with action that almost never ceases. The only sport even nearly as exciting as hockey is lacrosse.
• Steak
  Steak is what God would eat.
• Movies
  Easier than a book but usually far more stupid. When you find a good one, though, it’s awesome … something like Fight Club or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Lately I’ve seen a few movies that I didn’t expect much from, but they ended up being great, like Wall−E, Pineapple Express, and Hamlet 2.
• Wikis
  Wikis are great because anyone can edit them (unfortunately, that’s also they’re greatest disadvantage). Specifically, Wikipedia is very useful to get introduced to a topic (and then several others as you continue to click links for six hours).